Cocktails to Remind You that You’re Alone on New Year’s
5… 4… 3… 2… 1… HAPPY NEW YEAR!
New Year’s Eve is traditionally a time for reflecting on the previous year, as well as ushering the new one with excitement.
But when you’re single on New Year’s, it’s mostly about trying to play it cool knowing you’re not getting a midnight kiss.
According to every rom-com ever made, there are three possible outcomes for single people on New Year’s Eve:
You will lock eyes with your ex from across the room and suddenly be overcome with the knowledge that you were meant to be together after all.
A dashing stranger in a masquerade mask will sweep you off your feet at midnight with a New Year’s kiss. He will later be revealed as your best friend, the hot guy from the apartment upstairs, or your boss.
You will renounce New Year’s Eve in the wake of your breakup with Mr. Big, make plans to go to bed early, and end up in Cynthia Nixon’s living room.
I’m here to tell you that in real life, there’s a fourth outcome - and that’s to whip up these New Year’s cocktail recipes that will send you into a rolling blackout by the time Jenny McCarthy starts making out with strangers in Times Square.
FRISKY WHISKEY SOUR
Combine 1 part lemon juice with 1 part sugar, then dilute with 2 parts water and stir. Combine with 2 parts whiskey and pour over ice.
While you’re digging through your host’s kitchen looking for maraschino cherries to garnish your masterpiece, help yourself to some Christmas dinner leftovers. Cold mashed potatoes will numb the loneliness as you try to guess the wi-fi password so you can re-download Tinder.
RUBY SLIPPER
Rim a martini glass with sugar. Combine 1 part vodka, 4 parts cranberry juice, and ice, and top with Prosecco. You could have added champagne instead, but you accidentally chugged the whole bottle already.
Just sadly lick the sugar off the rim of your glass as your coworker scrolls through photos of her and her fiancé vacationing in the Netherlands.
KALIMOTXOS
Mix 1 part red wine with 1 part Coca Cola in a tall glass and stumble around mispronouncing this drink, explaining how self-actualized you are for drinking this instead of a boring old rum and coke. Then spend the next two hours telling anyone who will listen about the semester you almost went abroad to Barcelona.
SCREWDRIVER MULE
Nothing like the beautiful marriage of two classics - a Screwdriver and a Moscow Mule - to remind you that you may never achieve such a perfect union.
Fill a rocks glass with ice and add 2 oz of Smirnoff ICE Screwdriver, topped with ginger ale. Then drink the rest of the Smirnoff ICE straight out of the bottle. It’s the most lip action you’ll get all night.
SEVEN & SEVEN
Mix one part whiskey with one part 7-Up in a tall glass, and then wave it around as you explain the entire plot of Stranger Things season 3 to anyone who will listen.
If you’ve got a bad case of the New Year’s Eve blues, these easy cocktails are sure to remind you that instead of a kiss, you’re going to wind up high-fiving a friend at 12:01.
Just remember... Valentine’s Day is coming up, and you’ll probably be alone for that, too.